July 16th, 2007

Would Voldemort prefer rich tea or custard creams?

harry.jpg(Am I wrong or are these book covers pretty bad??)

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(Note: this post would only interest Harry Potter fans.)

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A bit of light-entertainment this week:

In the run up to the highly anticipated last-ever Harry Potter novel coming out, there sure is a H.Potter fever in the air. I’m getting my copy sent to me via amazon – so come the morning of July 21st (release date), no doubt I’ll be waking up early to run downstairs, in my PJ’s, to see if the parcel has arrived, maybe a bit like a little kid on Xmas day. Oh! Can’t wait!

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I found a hilarious online discussion on the UK amazon site, titled ‘Would Voldemort prefer rich tea or custard creams?‘. The very idea of Voldy relaxing with milky tea & biscuits (is he a dunker?) had me in stitches. Anyway, the discussion goes on for 11 pages, so I just copy & paste the first page of it, to give you a taster. Get ya self tea & several biccies & enjoy reading!
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x .. x .. x .. x .. x .. x .. x .. x .. x .. x .. x .. x .. x .. x .. x .. x .. x

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Mr. Derri P. H. Stephens says:
I think Voldemort would be the kind of gut who eats custard creams, and he is deffinately a dunker.
And believe there is some evidence in CoS that proves he would rather a Maryland cookie to a Jammy dodger.
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John Goddard says:Rich Tea biscuits are a creation of pure evil. They hold out the expectation of a biscuit, but deliver a dry and shrivelled result. Surely Voldermort would therefore keep the custard creams for himself and provide Rich Tea biscuits for the death eaters…
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Daniel Roach says:

Voldemort is the personification of pure evil. It would therefore lead us to believe that although custard creams do have all the qualities of a biscuit a dark lord would indeed be suited to, they do not hold a candle to thier darker cousins…… the bourbon cream. Rich and pure in flavour, yet with a vile after-taste and disapointing air of being a factory staff room biscuit, the bourbon cream by name gives itself an air of elegance which would be apt as Voldemort hails from pure blood, tho is by muggle born. The bitter aftertaste can also pay dues to Voldemorts bitter and twisted persona, whilst the bourbon cream also holds rank as the darkest of the biscuit family.
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Anna Leeming says:
I agree with this. Rich Tea are not the kind of biscuit a Dark Lord would eat – after all, they are very bad for dipping (see Peter Kay at the MEN) – and he would be more likely to provide them for the less worthy of his followers while indulging in something which involves far more chocolate.

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Mary -Ann says:
You`re all way out. It`s got to be a Jacobs cracker, a nice piece of stilton , & a glass of unicorns blood !!!

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Harry C. Young says:
I would think he liked ginger newts because he disasscociates himself with anything muggle.

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D. Halliwell says:That is so funny John… i have had to pick myself off the floor i was laughing so much…nice one

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Alice says:
This is a really crummy thread, it takes the biscuit in my opinion!
Maybe Voldy would like cockroach clusters!
Hmmmm, we never see Voldy eat, except snake venom from Nagini milked by the fair hand of Wormtail!

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Weasley Fan says:
I don’t think Voldemort would like any biscuit with a soft centre! He seems more of a Hobnob guy to me. I can just see him sitting there with a steaming mug of Unicorn’s blood, wearing his fluffy Dementor slippers! :o )

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P. M. Fernandez says:
Nobody in their right mind could possibly prefer Rich Tea to anything!
Voldemort is not in his right mind.
Therefore he prefers Rich Tea.

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Amber R. Wahidi says:
What if he doesn’t see the point in eating. Senses all not in tack. Taste not being there.

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Ms. V. Lovatt says:
Voldemort seems like a luxury biscuit nibbler to me. The sort of twisted evil person that dunks ‘n’ munches his way through an entire packet of Cadburys Double Chocolate Cookies without offering you a single one, leaving you to lick your fingers and hoover up the crumbs when he’s not looking. I should imagine the biscuits are accompanied by a lovely cup of milky Camp coffee to dunk the biccies in. He probably has Pettigrew go fetch him some from the local Happy Shopper, lest he intergrate with the lowly Muggles. “Wanna biccie, wanna wanna wanna biccie NOW!!!!” (oh, hold on, thats Terry Pratchett)

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Mevance says:
lol @ biscuits I like a wee rich tea biscuit does this make me a death eater/slytherin?

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Emily says:
Oh Mr Derri P.H. Stephens..how you mock me! I stated I believe Voldermort would prefer rich teas to custard creams because:
1. I believe he is a ‘man’ (if indeed a man can be a man with a broken soul) with traditional tastes.
2. He does not have a lot of time to eat (his days are full of killing people, cursing people, planning evil things, etc) and anything other than a rich tea is likely to stick in his teeth and cause him to have to use a large amount of energy picking bits out of his teeth (the oats from hobnobs, the jam from the dodgers).
3. He is a man who ‘the whole’ is very important too (other than with regards to his soul)and a custard cream has a tendency to break in two.
4. He has long straggely fingers with very long nails that I feel would find it difficult to pick up and handle a custard cream – a rich tea is a easier biscuit to pick up for those with floppy fingers.
5. There are many varieties of custard cream (e.g. tesco, tesco value, asda, sainsbury’s, morrisons, happy shopper, etc) and so you never know quite what you’re going to get… whereas a rich tea is just a rich tea…Voldermort would hate to not know what was coming and what to expect…he is a man who likes to be ready…he likes to always be one step ahead.
6. Voldermort would sound like a pansy if he asked for a ‘custard cream’ whereas a ‘Rich tea’ is quite a masculine choice I feel.
And finally….
7. Voldermort has a new body now which he needs to take care of…as far as I’m aware custard creams are not sold in 25% less fat versions whereas Rich teas are…Voldermort needs to remember his new figure when he is making his biscuit choices. It would be no good if in the middle of the final duel with Harry, he died just because he couldn’t run away fast enough due to the consumption of two too many full fat custard creams!!So there we have it…Voldermort would prefer a rich tea to a custard cream.

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Googleplex says:
No….He’ll find all those special, vintage or relegiously special buiscuit, then eat them quickly, not favouring the taste by purpose- in front of whoever they are most important to…

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Emily says:
Yes but other biscuits have a tendency to ‘crumb’ whereas the grain of a rich tea is as such that it only causes a light powdering when first bitten in to….Voldermort would not look so ‘frightening’ and intimidating with a big bit of hobnob oat, digestive crumb, smudged custard, etc, on his lip!!.

Mevance says:
In reply to J. Vaidya I agree it would be a religious biscuit for voldermort. The only thing however I can think of is a bun a hot cross one.

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Ms. V. Lovatt says:
What about a Cow biscuit? Not too bad on the crumb front, just that weird biscuit sludge you get at the bottom of your cup of tea. But he could vanish that with a flick of his wand, I’m sure. They are also pretty old skool, a way for Voldemort to sit and relax, reminiscing about zee good old days. Although the cup of milky tea could spoil his image. (but the mug could have an evil slogan printed on it- something like “I enjoy killing people” or “This mug belongs to a violent wizard with psychotic tendencies” that sort of thing to balance it out.)

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Mevance says:
A cow biscuit..? I don’t remember them…I hav however consumed a fair few NICE biscuits in my time… mmmmm coconutty. I think Voldy would have a mug with ‘muggle free zone’ written on it

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Emily says:

Interesting suggestion…on a wizard version of a cow biscuit, would the cow move around the biscuit, often leaving the frame of the biscuit?

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Googleplex says:
he probably has some sort of weak side, so he might like those soft gingerbread biscuits you get in m&s with the thick icing- but he would change it so it looked like his sign- so that he can explain it away if any death eater (or JKR) walks in…

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Emily says:
And perhaps whilst sat by the light of his wand and the flickering of the fire in the hearth, with his mug of tea and evening biscuit, his ‘slippered’ feet would be those big gorilla feet slippers or perhaps Homer Simpson slippers?

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Emily says:
And perhaps he would appear to be reading ’101 ways to kill someone with your eyes closed’ but inside the book he would have the latest copy of the Daily ‘Wizard’ Star hidden…checking out the hot witches on page 3 or ‘Woman’s Weekly’ which he has a subscription to for the knitting patterns???

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(Wanna read more? Read the rest at this link!) Credit to all these witty comment writers!!

10 Comments »

  1. My opinion is the dark lord would have high taste & would opt for french pastry than mediocre english ‘bickies’…

    Comment by Louise - July 17, 2007 11:47 pm

  2. ;-) That would be ‘my’ preference too – does that make me rather dark then? Give me macarons, maron glace & eclairs, anyday over rich teas…

    Comment by tamami - July 17, 2007 11:51 pm

  3. Tagged you for 7 random facts!

    Comment by Jerry - July 19, 2007 8:13 pm

  4. Wow! Thanks Jerry! No idea what to write yet, but I shall do my best! I’ll comment on your blog once I do post it!

    Comment by tamami - July 19, 2007 11:21 pm

  5. Ha! I think the Dark Lord would like sume custard cream. Not sure why, but almost everyone can fall for sweet stuff, even the most evil one!

    Comment by Anh - July 20, 2007 12:42 am

  6. Hmm… Custard cream… ! Tell me it’s got plenty of vanilla seeds in it, & I’m in heaven!

    Comment by tamami - July 20, 2007 7:50 am

  7. Hilarious. I think rich teas because they, like him, are evil.

    Comment by Caty - July 20, 2007 4:07 pm

  8. Hi Caty! so you’re voting for rich tea? I don’t really like those bisccies, too dry (you’re right, they are evil) & sticks to the top the inner mouth! Voldemort fingering off them squidgy bits that’s stuck is a funny scene to ponder! ;-)

    Comment by tamami - July 20, 2007 9:22 pm

  9. This is my first time visiting but I’m afraid to read your post because I’m only halfway through the last Harry Potter book! lol. :)

    Comment by Ari (Baking and Books) - July 24, 2007 1:40 pm

  10. hi Ari! Thanks for checking my site out. – At first glance, I thought you were my best girlie friend Ari, but soon enough realized not! Anyway, about H.Potter, I’ll never dare to spoil your’s or anybody else’s fun by revealing the storyline – so don’t worry ;-)
    Besides, I myself am also halfway through!

    Comment by tamami - July 24, 2007 2:57 pm

 

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