I am expecting -
got a bun in the oven.
The oven’s been ‘on’ for 20 weeks now, exactly half-way of the 40 week pregnancy period. The bump is getting bigger by the day. I can feel kicks & movements already too!
My my, it is soooo very exciting, & it feels just right. I feel blessed that a life has decided to come & be my baby. Day by day, I strongly feel maternal toward her. Yes, ‘her’. Just found out yesterday that ‘it’ is a girl!!! ;-) :-)
I love her so much already it’s amazing. I think it’s because I experienced a near-miscarriage with this pregnancy in week 7, for 3-days thinking I did lose the baby, that I feel so precious about this life.
Those 3 days…, is still quite raw for me. I will never forget the moment when the (young) doctor at the emergency room telling me that it IS a miscarriage.
I will never forget the shock & anger of having to wait ’til Tuesday for a scan as it’s a bank holiday weekend… (A miscarriage is not deemed an emergency, since once it starts, it can not be stopped).
I will never forget the moment when I decided to sell cakes anyhow the following day (there were so many baked cakes – was I to throw it away? Spend the whole of Saturday sobbing in my bed?). I preferred the idea of being busy & not think of it.
I will never forget the tears D tried to wipe without me seeing. Sitting on the street curb after the market had finished, our son in-between us, merrily eating a white chocolate ice-cream.
I will never forget gulping in the urge to cry, waiting for a scan at the doctors after 3 days.
I will never forget the surprise & the super-joy of finding out the baby was in fact absolutely fine & healthy. (it was the inside of my stomach bleeding, not the baby).
So anyway, this winter, you’re gonna see me down at the market with ridiculously over-sized winter-coat that belongs to D, since my coats don’t zip-up no more. And oh, I’ll be wearing tights, leggings, knee-length-socks & then trousers too, – I’m sure I will look like I’ve put a fat-suit on… totally not on-trend, especially down the trendsy Hackney vibe with skinny young girls strutting the latest fashion, but oh well, c’est la vie…!